HARD CANDY SCRIPT

Script

-->
This is so good.

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I want more.

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Don't get greedy.

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Jeff?

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Hayley.

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Sorry.

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I was gonna be, like,
so sophisticated when we met.

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Little hard to do that with your mouth
full of... whatever that is.

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It's great. It's great.
Do you want some?

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Sure.

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Yum.

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It's, um... kind of
what I was thinking.

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Sorry?

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You just don't look like the kind of guy
who has to meet girls over the internet.

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I think it's better to meet people
online first sometimes.

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You get to know
what they're like inside.

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When you work as a photographer
you find out real quick, people's faces lie.

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Does my face lie?

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I look at those eyes
and I see...

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a girl who reads Zadie Smith,

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who listens to John Mayer
and ColdPlay,

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who loves Monty Python episodes

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and who, desperately,

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madly, deeply, wants,

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needs, longs for...
more chocolate.

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Excellent, excellent
judge of character.

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Can I get two of those truffles

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and two ganaches.

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Now what's a ganache?

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You don't know
what a ganache is?

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Lucky, you're with
a woman of the world

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to introduce you to these things.

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And two chocolate-covered hearts.

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And a decaf latte for me.

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- And?
- I'm good.

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Yeah, you do appear so.

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So what's in the bag?

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Oh, you know,

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just, like, books and stuff.

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I figured if you stood me up,
then I should have something to read.

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Well... I couldn't really decide.

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I'm reading this book
about Jean Seberg.

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She's this actress
who slept with all the wrong people

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and ended up killing herself.

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Don't you do that.

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No. I intend to sleep
with all the right people.

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<i>Plus, I'm reading Romeo and Juliet.</i>

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It's a ninth grade book,

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but I figured I could have it done
before the school year starts, so...

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Doesn't look like
Elizabethan tragedy.

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No, that's 'cause...

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Well, my dad... he's letting me audit
one of his med school courses, right?

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I don't really understand
half of it,

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but I totally love it.

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What?

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So you go to UCW

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and you sit in a lecture hall
with all these grad students

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and, what,
do they hit on you?

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Why? Are you jealous?

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Just admiring. I didn't know
you were interested in that kind of thing.

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What?

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You thought since we'd been chatting
for three weeks

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that you knew everything about me?

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Plus, they wouldn't hit on a -year-old girl.
They're old enough to be my dad, so...

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They're like...

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They're bad older.
They're... You're not...

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I'm so articulate.

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Sorry. Can I just, like,
start over?

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No. I get it. I get it.
I just thought...

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You know, well,
you look older than you are.

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You certainly act
older than you are.

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Really?

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Yeah. I was expecting someone
not as impressive.

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Me too.

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Cool shirt.

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You want it?

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No, I didn't really bring
enough bucks, so...

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And yet, not actually
what I was asking.

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Sure, I want it.

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Can I get a green shirt
in a small, please?

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No. No, no.

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- I can't let you do that.
- What? Because...

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- Because...
- What? Because you'd be so

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indebted to me
that you'd have to...

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Okay. I guess I can
let you do that.

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You have to model it for me.

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Conditions. I can't live
with all these conditions.

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Thanks.

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- This is so unfair.
- What?

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This is when things happen,

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in the middle of the night, by which time
I am completely out of the scene.

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Life as a teenager.

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I just hate having to depend
Lindsey to drive me everywhere.

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You'll be driving
before you know it.

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In the meantime, I missed
Elizabeth Wurtzel speaking at USC

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and the Goldfrapp concert.

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I was at the Goldfrapp concert actually.

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Shut up. You were?
Was it great?

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Of course it was great.
What am I saying?

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Well, you could judge for yourself.

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- I got a bootleg MP.
- You have the concert?

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Just one song. A little louder, please,
so the authorities know.

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I totally have to hear it.

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I'll send it to you.

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After you get home,
after you get around to it.

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Good things are worth the wait.

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And what have you waited for recently?

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I'm gonna have to wait
four years for you.

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You are just trying to distract me
from that MP.

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Look, I have to send it.

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It's not like I could
take you to my house.

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That would be a little insane.

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True.

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Okay, now don't peek.

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I shoot models for a living.

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I've seen it all before.

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And you're so sure about that?

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I'm thinkin' yeah.

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Maybe you should peek

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and make that clerk wonder
what's going on over here.

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In your dreams, little girl.

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Little girl?

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Whatever happened to
how mature I was?

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- Is this mature enough for you?
- Okay...

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Keep teasing me like that,
you're gonna drive me crazy.

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Is that so?

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Okay. All right.

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How's this?

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Nice.

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Okay.

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Now, there's three points
I have to make.

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One: you wouldn't take advantage
because you've been seen with me.

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And two: it's Goldfrapp.

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And three?

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Well, and three...

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You said that it would be
insane for me to come over and...

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Four... Four out of five doctors agree
that I am actually insane.

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Thus, I have to come over

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in order to be true to myself.

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Right?

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And the fourth reason:
this amazing car.

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Well, in the face of logic like that,
I bow down and worship.

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Bow down?

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That's a good idea.
What are you waiting for?

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Worship me.

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Yes, oh, royal Thonggirl.

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I am not worthy
to kiss your feet.

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Maybe you are.

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Maybe we should, like,
get going.

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Yes, oh, magnificent thonggirl.

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You wanna call your sister?
Tell her where you'll be?

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Maybe later.
I just wanna get in this car.

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Wow. So hot.

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What's wrong?

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Well, they teach us "young things"

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not to drink anything
we haven't mixed ourselves, so...

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Smart.

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Come back in the kitchen.
I'll pour it again.

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No. Come on.

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I can whip up something
more entertaining than that.

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Healthy dude, huh?

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I try.

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Figure I'll live
as long as I can.

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Living long is overrated.

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What? You don't want
to reach a ripe, old age?

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For what?
When I'm ,

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what do I do for fun?

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When you're I'll be .

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Right... and useless to me.

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What use do you have
in mind for me?

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I knew there'd be something
fun around here.

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I mean, other than wa...

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I bet these babes
got some dirt on you.

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Those are models.

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So why are they on your walls
instead of magazine covers?

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Here, looking at you while

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you know, you do the most
intimate things.

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My house is my studio.

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When clients come here they're walking
into my giant portfolio.

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So, what?
These were all shot here?

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Oh, my God.

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Okay, you are like
a big deal, aren't you?

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I get work.

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Isn't that one of those cameras
that gives you the square image?

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How do you know that?

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I'm a goon.
I just, like, read constantly.

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You saw all those books in my bag.

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You're not reading now.

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I'm not, am I?

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Feels good.

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Don't fall behind.

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We should toast.

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<i>Carpe...</i>

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<i>omnious.</i>

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What's that?

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It's my own little toast.

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<i>You know carpe diem.</i>

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"Seize the day. "

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<i>So I figure, carpe omnious.</i>

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"Take it all. "

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Take it all.

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So, like, what is it like
to look through your lens at some...

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beautiful woman
who's working so hard

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to look good for you?

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You know these models.
They all have handlers.

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People to make sure
their hair is just right

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and their makeup is okay

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and they don't get lost
on their way to their next gig.

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So you never get
to be alone with them?

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- Rarely.
- Poor Jeff.

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I am compensated for my troubles.
Don't worry about me.

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But I like worrying about you.

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It makes me wonder...

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What?

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No, no. Forget it.

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No, come on.

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Come on. What's in that
insane mind of yours?

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Okay. We'll have another screwdriver
and then maybe I'll tell you.

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- I'm waiting.
- Hold on.

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You are not keeping up.

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What?

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Okay, here's where you're supposed
to make it easier for me and read my mind.

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You're wondering how many
models I've done it with.

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No.

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- How many?
- None of them.

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- Oh, get out.
- No. They're underage, mostly.

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I'd be arrested.

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So you're not arrested
for photographing them like this?

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I'm very aware
of the legal boundaries.

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- I have to be.
- Right. Right.

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'Cause secretly...
Secretly...

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you would like to do them.

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No. There's just one
that I slept with

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when we were both younger.

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That one?

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No out here.

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- In the bedroom?
- No...

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What's her name?

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Hey.

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"Janelle. "

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Yeah. Janelle.

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So, what? What? Was she, like,
the first big girlfriend or something?

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That's right.

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Learned everything I knew
practicing on her.

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And that date...

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Was that the first time
that you guys...

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I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

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So, what? Where is she now?

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She actually signed with Ford
right after this shoot.

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- She really took off. She, um...
- Oh, my God.

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She is, like, on magazine covers.
I know her.

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Well, like, not personally, obviously.

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You are impressive
every second.

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The models are impressive.
I just know how to bring it out.

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You still love her.

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No.

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Ah... yeah.

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- No.
- Yeah!

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- No.
- Really?

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- No.
- Really, really, really?

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No.

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I still love how simple things were
back then but...

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You know, I...

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I don't want to forget that, but...

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we've moved on.

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You're lonely.

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No.

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I can hear it in your voice.

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I'm a big boy.

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I guess everyone kind of
has a Janelle, right?

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I guess.

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Hey.

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What if you got
one of your cameras

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and we can see
what you can bring out in me.

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- This is what you wanted to ask?
- Well, I...

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- It's not as easy as you think.
- Okay.

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Models don't just pout their lips.

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They have to be willing
to open up.

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They have to show us
a little of their soul,

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their secrets.

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And most people only open up
from weakness.

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Nobody wants to see photos
of weak people.

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We look at great models
because they open up...

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from a position of...

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of, uh, of strength.

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They have the strength...

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to believe they can do anything,

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no matter how crazy, or, uh...

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Are you okay?

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- Let's try something.
- Okay.

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Do me out here.

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- I shoot everyone in my studio.
- Oh, come on.

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But I'm not everyone, am I?

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Clearly not.

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Come on, Jeff. Shoot me.

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Come on.

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Shoot me.

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- Don't do that.
- What?

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That phony music video crap.

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Come on.

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Just be yourself.

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Just be open.

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- Weren't you just listening to me?
- Come on, Jeff.

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- Sit down.
- Shoot me.

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Look at me.

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Be honest.

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Would you listen to me?
Just sit down.

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- Jeff, I don't...
- Sit down.

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- J-Jeff, I don't...
- Sit down!

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Are you okay?

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I don't feel so good.

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Did you... Did you call me?

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Sorry. I was just looking through
your medicine cabinet.

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<i>Okay, boring!
No Valley of the Dolls stuff at all.</i>

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Can't help but wondering
why all the lubricants though.

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Oh, hey, just...
Tell me when you're ready.

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Take your time.

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What did you...

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- What di...
- You remember what I said

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about not drinking anything
you didn't mix yourself?

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That's good advice
for everyone.

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You know what? I'm sorry
you were drugged for so long.

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I've never really done that before
and I swiped this from my dad.

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Didn't come with directions
and it's not like I could just ask him

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how much to use.

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So I probably used too much

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or those screwdrivers could
have affected my judgment, you think?

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It's real water.

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Scout's honor.

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Wha...

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Why do I get... tied up first

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if this is how we're gonna play?

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Jeff...

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play time is over.

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Now it's time to wake up.

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This isn't funny.

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Is this some... teenage joke?

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"Teenage. "

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Yes.

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Joke?

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No.

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- Now let me...
- Patience.

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- Let me go. Let me go!
- Patience.

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- Let me go!
- Patience.

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I'm just checking out
the side of the house, okay?

-->
You know, I saw this cop show once.
It was great.

-->
And the killer, he thought he had cleaned up
all the evidence

-->
but some of the victim's blood
was on his shirt

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and, yeah, sure,
he washed it,

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but some of the dried up blood
got caught in the lint trap, so...

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I mean...

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Anything in here
I should know about?

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What the fuck are you doing?

-->
That's kind of been
my question, Jeff.

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What the fuck are you doing,

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living in a house filled with pictures

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of half-naked teenage girls?

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Oh, none of whom
you've ever done it with...

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Help! Help!

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Help! He...

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There is really no point
in me taking any risks, Jeff.

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Technically, I could let you scream
your fucking brains out

-->
and no one is going to hear you.

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Yeah, I waited till today
because Mr. Coughlin is at work,

-->
and the Kraskows...
they're vacationing in Santa Barbara.

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Still, I can't have some pedestrian
just happening by as you're screaming,

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so shut up, or next time
it's gonna be bleach, okay?

-->
You've been stalking me?

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Okay.

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All right. Let's get this straight.

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You have been stalking me.

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Yeah. I went into other chat rooms,
with different nicknames.

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You would get to know
each woman...

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and then as soon as you found out
they were any bit older than me

-->
you would just drop them like that.

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You took your time
sniffing out someone my age.

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I didn't talk to the others
because they were boring.

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- You and I connected.
- Oh, right.

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Come on. You think
I faked all that?

-->
You know, actually
it's kind of funny.

-->
Because every time I would mention
some obscure singer or band

-->
you knew so much about them.

-->
But not right away.

-->
It was, like, a few minutes later.

-->
Maybe to give you enough time
to look them up on the web?

-->
Jeff...

-->
you used the same phrases
about Goldfrapp

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as they do on Amazon. com.

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Busted.

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By the way,

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I fucking hate... Goldfrapp.

-->
Come on.

-->
I wanted to impress you.

-->
I'm not the first guy to do something
stupid to impress a girl.

-->
Does that deserve being
tied up and tortured?

-->
Torture?

-->
Is this torture to you?

-->
I guess you've never read anything by
Amnesty International or Human Rights Watch

-->
because this...

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This is nothing.

-->
Of course you're not
the first guy to lie to a girl, Jeff.

-->
The operative word there
being "girl. "

-->
I mean, you know
how old I am.

-->
What makes a kid who's barely past
her first period worth all this research?

-->
I mean, you really got
to start to wonder

-->
when a grown man
goes through all this trouble

-->
just to charm a girl.

-->
Wow. There's that word again.

-->
"Girl. "

-->
You know, maybe it's
this whole camera thing?

-->
Cameras... computers.

-->
They let you hide, don't they?

-->
So safe.

-->
I heard how your voice changed
when the camera came between us.

-->
My voice changed
because I felt sick

-->
because you drugged me.

-->
Yeah, you were drugged, all right.

-->
And the drug was sweet

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little -year-old flesh.

-->
Look...

-->
I'm a decent guy, ask anyone.

-->
Go ahead. Call these models.
They'll tell you.

-->
Of course they will.

-->
You're not an idiot, Jeff.

-->
You don't piss where you live.

-->
Those girls were your work
and I, on the other hand was...

-->
your play.

-->
- You were coming on to me.
- Come on.

-->
That's what they always say.

-->
- Who?
- Who?

-->
The pedophiles!

-->
"She was so sexy.
She was asking for it. "

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"She was only technically a girl.
She acted like a woman. "

-->
It's just so easy
to blame a kid, isn't it?

-->
Just because a girl
knows how to imitate a woman

-->
does not mean she's ready to do
what a woman does.

-->
I mean, you're the grown-up here.

-->
If a kid is experimenting

-->
and says something flirtatious,
you ignore it.

-->
You don't encourage it.

-->
If a kid says,
"Hey, let's make screwdrivers,"

-->
you take the alcohol away
and you don't race them to the next drink!

-->
Look, look.

-->
I've been lonely, okay?

-->
That makes me stupid
but I am not a pedophile.

-->
- I am not lonely.
- This is some horrible mistake.

-->
- And not stupid.
- Untie me. We'll forget this whole thing.

-->
Just untie me now!

-->
I might be a little peeved.
So when I am ready,

-->
I'll call a cab and call another one
to let you loose.

-->
- When will that be?
- I'm not sure yet.

-->
Don't...

-->
You can save yourself
so much time

-->
by just dropping that word
from your vocabulary.

-->
I'm gonna do
what I want, Jeff.

-->
See, a guy as smooth
at seducing adolescents as you are

-->
and takes those photographs...

-->
I just figure he has something around
that he doesn't want seen,

-->
and when I find that,

-->
then maybe I'll know
what I'm dealing with.

-->
What you're dealing with?

-->
I mean, what kind
of pedophile are you?

-->
Just a voyeur?

-->
Again, not a pedophile.

-->
Right. You're a photographer.

-->
Takes a genius to get paid
for what you'd be happy to do for free.

-->
Go into the living room.

-->
Look in the grey cabinet.
Pull out the third drawer down.

-->
You'll see prints of my work
for all kinds of environmental groups.

-->
I've done shots of the Yukon Territory,

-->
the Utah wilderness,

-->
Inuit villages in Alaska...

-->
So what?

-->
You love nature, thus you must
be a nice guy?

-->
I'm saying my modeling shots
are just part of my portfolio.

-->
I've shot a lot of different subjects,

-->
some of it very important work.

-->
And it was so important
that you thought,

-->
"Well, I can't possibly
hang it on the walls of my home.

-->
I need to plaster my house
with pictures of underage nymphs

-->
and just tuck the nature shots away. "

-->
So... a voyeur
and a conservationist.

-->
I'm not a voyeur!

-->
Not just a voyeur.

-->
Sometimes you kick it up
a notch to molestation.

-->
I am not a molester!
I've no idea who you've confused me with.

-->
Sometimes you molest someone
and they fight back

-->
and you completely lose
control and you hurt them.

-->
I have never hurt anyone!

-->
We'll just see, won't we?

-->
Those letters are mine.

-->
Nothing's yours when you invite
a teenager into your home.

-->
Don't love her anymore, huh?

-->
That explains why you save these.

-->
I thought about selling them
on e-Bay.

-->
Excuse me?

-->
Sorry. I couldn't hear you.
Maybe it was the music or...

-->
I don't know.
Maybe it was the bullshit.

-->
All right. Honestly...

-->
Some day I thought about
sending them to her,

-->
reminding her how much
of a bitch she was.

-->
A little angry, are we?

-->
She broke your heart
and you haven't gotten over it?

-->
You walk into somebody's house,
you start looking through their shit...

-->
You're gonna find things
that embarrasses them.

-->
It doesn't mean anything.

-->
All right. Okay.

-->
"Dear Jeff.

-->
You have to stop.
I can't go where you wanna take me.

-->
You're just not the person
I thought you were. "

-->
You don't have to read it.
I know what it says.

-->
I bet you do. How many times
did you read this?

-->
None of your business.

-->
What kind of person
did she find out you were, Jeff?

-->
None of your business.

-->
That kind of depends
on how you define business, actually.

-->
So, what? Did you find her?

-->
The girl you wanted? Is this what
your work is, some big search?

-->
Are you the type of guy
who likes to save his outgoing e-mails?

-->
Read them over and over again,
to think about what you said?

-->
This is weird.

-->
Your download manager says
you pulled some photos off the net,

-->
but... I can't find them.

-->
Gosh, that's strange.

-->
Yeah. A smart guy
doesn't leave photos on his computer.

-->
'Cause that's the first place
the cops are gonna look.

-->
And then you're... into mementos.

-->
So where do you put the stuff
that you pull off the net, hm?

-->
Do you have a special
little hiding place or something?

-->
I live alone.

-->
Why would I need
a hiding place?

-->
Just what I've been wondering.

-->
I have looked through
your whole house.

-->
Everything...

-->
and I have found no porn.

-->
I have not found
a single bit...

-->
of porn.

-->
Guys tend to have porn around
don't they?

-->
Nothing against it,
nothing against them.

-->
It's just the way they're brought up.

-->
Seriously, if a guy knows
he can get away with it,

-->
all guys, they have porn
at least somewhere in their crib.

-->
- You've done studies on this of course.
- Then I was thinking...

-->
that these photos on his wall,
maybe those are his porn.

-->
But I bet they're not your stroke shots.

-->
I bet whatever you have is so...

-->
juicy,

-->
it needs its own little cubbyhole.

-->
Isn't that right, Jeff?

-->
So what's the combination, Jeff?

-->
Eat me.

-->
Look at how he's sweating.

-->
Does this worry you, Jeff?

-->
I'm gonna figure it out,
so you might as well just tell me.

-->
I am an honor student.

-->
Take your time.

-->
Oh, I will.

-->
- Believe me, I've got plenty.
- No, not much.

-->
Aren't mommy and daddy gonna worry
if you're not home before dinner?

-->
I'm thinking no.

-->
Oh, is that it?

-->
What? They're too busy
to keep track of you,

-->
so you reach out to somebody
who seems like he might care about you?

-->
And you're so mad
because they ignore you?

-->
They've always made the fuss
over your older sister

-->
because she learned
to do everything first?

-->
You're furious with them,

-->
but they do love you

-->
and they pay for your existence,

-->
but you can't let them see
any of that anger.

-->
- I'm not angry at them.
- No, no. Absolutely not.

-->
That'd be too dangerous.

-->
But you are angry,

-->
and you gotta
let it out somehow.

-->
So you find a guy...
an older guy...

-->
Maybe he reminds you
a little of your dad.

-->
Let me guess.
I look like him?

-->
You don't look
anything like him.

-->
If you say so.

-->
But you gotta
let that anger out somehow.

-->
- And I seem like a good target...
- Will you shut up?

-->
Seriously, just shut up!

-->
You know nothing about me.

-->
No, you're right.
So sit down and tell me.

-->
We'll talk.

-->
- Yeah, right.
- We can sit on the sofa.

-->
And I'll call a taxi for you.

-->
If you want, I'll hold you.

-->
If you don't want,
I'll keep my distance.

-->
You can let it all out.
If you need to cry, if you need to scream.

-->
Whatever you need, Hayley.

-->
You wouldn't be mad at me?

-->
I just want you
to look at what you're doing.

-->
I just wanna ask, um...

-->
Did you... Did you seriously think
that that was gonna work?

-->
You're good at what you do, Jeff.

-->
What you do is work
with teenage girls, put them at ease

-->
so they can trust you
with all their secrets.

-->
No, that's not what I was doing.

-->
Janelle's birthday.

-->
Janelle's phone number.

-->
Janelle's phone number backwards.

-->
You're an honor student.

-->
Try every possible combination
of numbers.

-->
Should only take you
the rest of the week,

-->
if you figure in breaks for meals.

-->
Or I...

-->
Or I could just try
March th.

-->
March th. First with Janelle.

-->
What's this, Jeff?
You are lensman after all.

-->
Was this the first photo session
or the first time you banged her?

-->
Or was that the same thing?

-->
Hm. What year would that have been?

-->
--?

-->
Nope.

-->
--?

-->
How sentimental you are.

-->
What's so special
about these photos?

-->
This is what they make
those federal laws for, Jeff.

-->
This is officially sick.

-->
What makes this girl
so special?

-->
Why does she get
to keep her clothes on?

-->
I recognize this girl.

-->
Hayley?

-->
Where are you?

-->
Oh, fuck!

-->
Welcome back.

-->
I'm sorry to expose you like this.

-->
It's not about sex,
although I have to admit...

-->
you are built.

-->
I never touched you.

-->
I was trying
to hold you off me

-->
while I called the cops.

-->
Would you have shown them this?

-->
Why do you have a picture
of Donna Mauer in your safe?

-->
And have you seen her,
because no one else has.

-->
I did meet Donna for coffee.

-->
I took a shot of her
to make her happy.

-->
So how happy did you make her?

-->
Look at her.
She's fully dressed.

-->
You can see the coffee shop
behind her.

-->
I never brought her home.

-->
So, what?
You just said,

-->
"See you later, kid.
It's been fun. "

-->
You could have thrown this away.

-->
You didn't.

-->
You needed to hang on to it.

-->
You could have talked
to the police.

-->
- You're right.
- Yeah.

-->
Or maybe you had something to hide,

-->
like the extensive kiddy porn collect...

-->
Look. I'm not the monster
you think I am.

-->
But okay, I... crossed a line.

-->
Just call the cops.
I'll turn myself in.

-->
A cute pedophile pleads guilty.

-->
"But, oh, it's not his fault.

-->
He's sick.
He has an addiction. "

-->
I'll do jail. Isn't that
what should happen?

-->
Yeah, you might.
You might get jail time.

-->
I don't know...
Therapy, drugs,

-->
group discussions, notifying people
when you move into a new house.

-->
- How bad is that, really?
- It'll ruin my career, my life.

-->
Didn't Roman Polanski
just win an Oscar?

-->
So why the ice?

-->
I read the psych profile
about the person who took Donna Mauer.

-->
Said he's a loner.

-->
Thinks he's pretty damn bright
and as powerful as a teenage girl.

-->
He's gonna strike again.
Kind of sounds a lot like you.

-->
It's not me!

-->
Maybe not, but...

-->
Those photos that I found

-->
and the way you let me get drunk...

-->
You're a headline
waiting to happen.

-->
Everybody will be safer
if I do a little preventive maintenance.

-->
- What the fuck are you doing?
- I have to shave you down here.

-->
I can't have any hair
on the incision site, right?

-->
What?

-->
I've been going in my dad's
medical library at school

-->
and, um, well, you said
I was pretty bright, right?

-->
I think I'm smart enough
to perform a successful castration.

-->
No!

-->
- Please.
- No! Ow!

-->
Okay, okay.
I guess you're not numb enough yet.

-->
What should we talk about
while we're waiting?

-->
"Dear Janelle.
My name is Hayley Stark.

-->
I hope you don't mind me
writing you like this.

-->
I met this guy
that I think you know... Jeff Kohlver.

-->
He's so cute.

-->
Well, he seems to really like me.

-->
He even asked me over
to his place to do some photography,

-->
and I am so excited about this

-->
because, well,
for a year old like me,

-->
this could be a huge break,
you know?"

-->
And here I put in a little smiley face icon.

-->
"Thing is,

-->
and I've tried to pretend this isn't the case,
but he talks about you a lot,

-->
and I have this ooky feeling
he's still in love with you.

-->
I'm pretty sweet on him too,

-->
but I don't want to go crazy
over him if there's some chance

-->
that you two
might get back together.

-->
So, so, so, so,

-->
I found your e-mail address
in his PDA,

-->
and I thought I'd just ask.

-->
Is this insane?

-->
Am I insane?

-->
Is Jeff?

-->
And this other girl
he talks about all the time.

-->
Her name is... Donna Mauer.

-->
Do you know anything about her?

-->
I found these photos on his computer but,
silly me, I can't figure out how to open them,

-->
but I'm attaching them to this note.

-->
Are they pictures of you or Donna?

-->
Anyhoo, thanks a mil.

-->
Your complete honesty
will be "mucho" appreciated.

-->
Love and peace, Hayley. "

-->
I tried to make it sound as innocent
and moronic as possible.

-->
How do you think I did?

-->
Fine.

-->
Guess I'll just send it
and that'll be that.

-->
You're getting yourself
in terrible trouble.

-->
Oh, and how's that?

-->
If you cut me in any way,
you won't forget it.

-->
It changes you when
you hurt somebody.

-->
And you speak from experience,
I guess.

-->
I've just lived.

-->
Unlike you.

-->
The things you do wrong...

-->
They haunt you.

-->
Tell me what you're haunted by.

-->
You wanna remember this day
when you're with a guy on a date?

-->
Or on your wedding night?

-->
'Cause I promise you,
you will.

-->
Don't do that to yourself.

-->
Wow.

-->
You know, that is so thoughtful.

-->
You are speaking to me
so selflessly.

-->
I mean, you just don't want me
to castrate you for my own benefit?

-->
Wow, I'm touched.

-->
Jeff.

-->
Why don't we imagine
someone saying the same thing to you

-->
at a random moment?

-->
Imagine that, when you
downloaded this little girl...

-->
I was sitting by your side saying,
"Stop. Don't do that to yourself. "

-->
Would you have listened?

-->
Stop.

-->
Don't do that to yourself.

-->
Stop.

-->
Don't do that to yourself.

-->
Stop.

-->
Stop.

-->
You are good and numb, aren't you?

-->
Fuck off.

-->
Your conversational skills
are really deteriorating as the day goes on.

-->
Seriously. It turns out that castration
is the easiest surgical procedure around,

-->
and thousands of farm boys across
the country guild their own livestock.

-->
So I figure, if they can do it, then I can
pull it off, if you know what I mean.

-->
I'm not fucking livestock.

-->
You keep telling yourself that, stud.

-->
Help!

-->
Help!

-->
Look, that wasn't necessary.

-->
You bitch.

-->
No more wiggling.

-->
Does your mother know
you cut off men's balls?

-->
I've never done it before today, but...

-->
Maybe I'll tell her
when I get home,

-->
see what she says.

-->
"Hayley, I knew you needed
a science fair project, but really... "

-->
So you and your mom
are both whacked.

-->
I don't know. That's that whole
nature versus nurture question, isn't it?

-->
Was I born a cute, vindictive
little bitch or...

-->
did society make me that way?

-->
I go back and forth on that.

-->
I'll be done in a sec.
I'm almost done.

-->
There's money in the safe.

-->
- So?
- So you could take it.

-->
Take the camera equipment.
Take whatever you want!

-->
I am.

-->
You really can't talk me
out of this by bribing me, okay?

-->
How... How can I?

-->
What? Talk me out of it?

-->
I don't know.
I haven't thought about that.

-->
You know what? I need
to sterilize this before we start.

-->
Do you want me to use
the vodka,

-->
or do you have
another alcohol you wanna offer me?

-->
Okay.

-->
Okay, all that scraping I did...

-->
The blood probably rushed back in.
I have to numb you out a bit more, okay?

-->
I'll be right back.

-->
Can I call someone for you?
Is that what you...

-->
Oh, you're getting bored.

-->
Look, I'm sorry.
We gotta get this show on the road.

-->
Oh, it's actually really impressive.

-->
I thought it would be fun
to see how far you could get,

-->
and I really only expected,
like, an inch or two.

-->
That's not bad.

-->
Why don't you just kill me?

-->
Is that what you think I want?

-->
Isn't it?

-->
Close.

-->
I love that you have all this stuff

-->
because, like, this way you can watch,
you know?

-->
Now I'm hurt.

-->
I go through all the trouble
to set this up and you don't want to watch?

-->
I just...

-->
I stayed one summer with my
Aunt Denise and her kids.

-->
You know, and her kids
were, like four or five,

-->
and I was, like, ten.

-->
No. No, I was nine.

-->
And the littlest one...
the daughter, Lynnie...

-->
She... she loved me.

-->
So she had this...
she had this game

-->
where she would jump out
of the bathtub, all soaking wet...

-->
and she'd jump on top of me

-->
and she'd tickle me.

-->
And she'd tickle me
and she'd shout:

-->
"Prune attack!
Prune attack!"

-->
'cause her fingers
were all pruney.

-->
I- I-I couldn't do anything
'cause I was afraid I'd hurt her

-->
and it was weird.

-->
And one day her mother
came in, in the middle of it...

-->
and she saw her daughter,
naked on top of me.

-->
And then... she yelled at her:

-->
"Lynnie, get back in the bathtub. "

-->
Then she took me by the hand...

-->
and she dragged me
to the kitchen.

-->
She turned the stove on.

-->
We stood there
while the burner got hot.

-->
And she pulled my pants down...

-->
and lifted me up
over the burner.

-->
I could feel the dirt
on my skin from her hands.

-->
She must have been gardening.

-->
And I cried and cried.

-->
And I could hear the tears sizzle
as they hit the burner.

-->
Then she sat me down.

-->
She said, "If I ever catch you
with my daughter again... "

-->
She called my mom.

-->
My mom came the next day.

-->
I never saw Aunt Denise again.

-->
These things really stick.

-->
Okay, well, you know, we're set.

-->
Don't.

-->
I told you not to use that word.

-->
Okay?

-->
Hayley, please.

-->
You need help.

-->
A teenage girl
doesn't do this.

-->
I've seen your idea of what
a teenage girl should do,

-->
so don't even start.

-->
I'll pay for a therapist.

-->
Thanks.

-->
Thanks, but if I ever see a shrink...

-->
- I want to make my case...
- Please.

-->
really, really interesting for them.

-->
Please. I'll do whatever you want.

-->
You could call the cops.
I'll say I did whatever you want.

-->
I don't think they're gonna believe
a confession under these circumstances.

-->
Then I'll leave.
I'll leave, okay? I'll move.

-->
Mm-hmm.

-->
Donna's body will still be
where you left it.

-->
I'm not the guy!

-->
I'm not the guy, I swear!

-->
Anything! Please!

-->
Please don't do this!

-->
- Anything?
- Anything! Piss on me!

-->
Fucking feed me glass!
I don't care! Whatever you want!

-->
I'll tell the cops I did
whatever you want. Please!

-->
I don't what ever you want.
Anything. Please.

-->
Please. Anything.

-->
Anything. Anything.

-->
Please.

-->
- Anything.
- Yes.

-->
Yeah, anything.

-->
Oh, please.

-->
Please!

-->
When I talked about sending an email
to Janelle, you changed the subject.

-->
I could send it right now,
pack up and go.

-->
It could be the best thing
that ever happened to you.

-->
You could stop torturing yourself with the idea
that you might get back with her.

-->
- What do you say?
- Goddamn it! Get the fuck off of me!

-->
Please untie me and let me go!

-->
Please! Please don't cut me!

-->
Please! Please!

-->
Please!

-->
I shouldn't have teased you like that.

-->
I shouldn't have let you think
there was a way out of this.

-->
Hey, um...

-->
I got this medical text,

-->
and if I forget anything
just don't panic.

-->
Okay, 'cause it's...
It's right here.

-->
Yeah, I knew you'd want to watch.

-->
Look, if you move too much,
I could...

-->
knick the perineal artery
and you...

-->
You could, like, bleed to death
before anyone got here, okay?

-->
So, just, please.
I really need to have

-->
a steady, steady hand, okay?

-->
Jeff?

-->
Do you feel that?

-->
Why do you care?

-->
I'd be thankful
for small favors.

-->
Wow.

-->
That went well.

-->
You know, you told that, uh...

-->
that Aunt Denise story very well.

-->
Very, very well.

-->
What was that supposed to be?
Some kind of magic key

-->
to explain why you are
the way you are?

-->
Doesn't.

-->
Okay. What should I do first?
Your right or left testicle?

-->
Why don't we just say right, okay?

-->
All right, now, I just have to give it
one little slice to free it up,

-->
and then, um...

-->
Snip.

-->
Okay. Now I just need
to suture it up.

-->
This would be so much easier
if I had, like, a nurse or something,

-->
but, you know, I asked my friend
if she'd help me castrate a guy

-->
and, well, she made all these,
like, ooky sounds,

-->
like I was asking her
to swallow worms or something.

-->
Yeah, we'll see who makes medical school
in eight years, huh?

-->
All right, now, you're gonna
feel a tug,

-->
'cause I really gotta get this tight,
all right?

-->
So just... bear with me.

-->
Okay...

-->
Okay.

-->
Okay, halfway through.
Over the hump.

-->
Can't you stop?

-->
Please?

-->
Some men,

-->
they go through their whole lives
with only one ball,

-->
and they're just fine, you know?

-->
Or so I've read.

-->
Well, I guess I figured that you're not really
punished if I leave you with a spare.

-->
Okay, stay with me.
Stay with me.

-->
It's okay.
It's okay, Jeff.

-->
If-if I left one, then you'd
be walking around crooked all the time.

-->
Look, this is for the best, all right?

-->
Okay, you're entering
a whole new world now.

-->
Just gotta...

-->
snip and...

-->
Okay.

-->
Wow.

-->
This seriously has to be, like,

-->
one of the easiest
operations, because...

-->
Wow.

-->
I wonder why they teach Girl Scouts
things like camping

-->
and selling cookies.

-->
You know? 'Cause this is
what's really useful.

-->
I don't know how they'd design
a merit badge though.

-->
That'd be interesting.

-->
I saw Lynnie at Aunt Denise's funeral.

-->
I told her what her mom did.

-->
She didn't believe me.

-->
If Denise was here right now,
what would you say?

-->
I'd say, "Help.

-->
A teenager cut my balls off.
Call the police. "

-->
She wasn't very sympathetic
the last time,

-->
so I wouldn't really hold your breath.

-->
All right.

-->
I would cancel any appointments
you have in the next few days

-->
because you're going to be sorer
than you've ever been before.

-->
Oh, I'd say, in, like,

-->
eight or nine days,
take the stitches out,

-->
which I suggest you do yourself

-->
to save embarrassment.

-->
Oh, and there's this website:
EunuchsQuestions. com.

-->
Eunuchs is e-u-n-u-c-h-s.

-->
I had a lot of trouble with that
but it gives great advice

-->
on how to deal with your castration.

-->
You really... You don't have
to go through this alone, you know?

-->
Do you want some souvenirs?

-->
No?

-->
Okay.

-->
What should we do with them?

-->
We could see how far they bounce.

-->
Actually...

-->
we wouldn't want, like,
a little animal

-->
confusing it for
an afternoon snack.

-->
You know?
A little squirrelly

-->
or a coyote might get sick.

-->
We don't want that, especially with
you being such a conservationist.

-->
We could grind them up
in the garbage disposal.

-->
Or... or we could sew them
back in.

-->
I had this shop teacher once,

-->
who sawed off his thumb in class,

-->
and then he grabbed some ice,

-->
drove to the emergency room.

-->
The next day, sure enough,
he has his thumb.

-->
Didn't bend so well, but he could,
like, hitchhike and stuff.

-->
I'm just checking to see if it works.

-->
I guess they, uh, weren't brass.

-->
You're not laughing, are you?

-->
Well, no wonder. This isn't
a laughing matter at all.

-->
I don't know.
Maybe Donna's smiling just a tad.

-->
I didn't do anything to her.

-->
Maybe, maybe not.

-->
But I suggest you track down
the guy who did...

-->
'cause he has no idea
what's waiting for him.

-->
Here.

-->
You really need to rehydrate.

-->
Jeff. Please.
Come on.

-->
Jeff, I'm serious.

-->
You really, really need
to drink this, okay?

-->
Come on.

-->
Attaboy.

-->
Do you want more?

-->
Why are you being
so nice to me now?

-->
You're pitiful now, aren't you?

-->
I mean, it's going to be tricky,
not letting anyone find out about...

-->
No more sex.

-->
No more taking public showers.

-->
But one of these days
you're going to get a physical,

-->
and your doctor's going to find out.

-->
And don't worry.
He's not gonna tell his golf buddies...

-->
and they're not gonna tell their friends,

-->
and they're not gonna tell
their friends.

-->
But a couple years down the road
you're going to start wondering,

-->
"Do your publishers know?"

-->
"Do your models know?"

-->
"Does Janelle know?"

-->
God, I'm sweating.

-->
Look, I'll go take a shower

-->
and then I'll be out of your life, okay?

-->
I'll find you.

-->
Don't make threats
while you're still tied down.

-->
- I'm just saying...
- What do you expect me to do about it?

-->
I'm just saying.

-->
The easiest thing for me to do

-->
would be to just kill you.

-->
But I already told you
I'm not going to do that.

-->
You don't get off that easy, Jeff.

-->
I'm sweating like a pig.
Seriously.

-->
Um... I gotta go have a shower,

-->
and then when I come back later,
maybe we can chat some more.

-->
I'm all here.

-->
I'm all here.

-->
<i>Why you can see it
with your very own eyes.</i>

-->
Come on. Come on.

-->
Fuck.

-->
Hey, Trace.

-->
Look, I'm gonna be done, like,
so much sooner than I thought,

-->
so do you wanna
catch a movie or something?

-->
Cool.

-->
No, I'm not telling you.

-->
Yes, this is Lieutenant Hayley, L.A.P.D.

-->
You're acquainted with a photographer,
one Jeffrey Kohlver?

-->
Yes, there's been
an incident here.

-->
Is it possible that
you can assist us?

-->
I'm not at liberty
to discuss that at this moment, ma'am,

-->
but it's a very delicate matter and the sooner
we can speak with you here,

-->
the better chance we have
of keeping it out of the newspapers.

-->
We appreciate that.

-->
The address...

-->
Yes.

-->
Yes, that's the place.

-->
How soon do you think
we can be here?

-->
Steady.

-->
Stand straight.

-->
Attaboy.

-->
- You're insane.
- Right.

-->
Which I did tell you
when we first met, remember?

-->
"Four out of five doctors agree... "

-->
Maybe I should ask my therapist.

-->
See what she thinks
about it.

-->
Ask her much it would cost
to get a padded cell...

-->
Help!

-->
Shut up.

-->
Hi.

-->
Oh, hello.
Is Mr. Kohlver here?

-->
Um, he's asleep.
Not feeling so well.

-->
I think it's food poisoning.

-->
I'm sorry to hear that.

-->
Are you...

-->
I'm his niece.

-->
Oh, really?

-->
Can I ask you something?

-->
Okay.

-->
I might be a little
out of line here.

-->
Do you babysit?

-->
Yeah, yeah.
I do. I do.

-->
But I'm only here
for, like, a couple more days.

-->
That's too bad.

-->
I'm on a constant patrol
for new babysitters.

-->
Right.

-->
Are those...

-->
Yes. Mr. Kohlver's cookies.

-->
My daughter's a Girl Scout
and we've been trying to deliver these,

-->
but we've always been missing him,
so here they are, yummy stuff.

-->
Thanks.

-->
Yeah. Uncle Jeff loves
his Girl Scouts, so...

-->
- You should probably...
- What?

-->
Well, pay me.

-->
Right. Yeah. I'm sorry.
How much is it?

-->
- Six.
- Six.

-->
Can you just wait here
for a second?

-->
No problem. Sure.

-->
Here you go.

-->
Did I hear something?

-->
The food poisoning.
He's... vomiting and...

-->
I'm so sorry.

-->
- Your cookies.
- Thanks.

-->
And if you're going to be around
any longer,

-->
I'm just... I'm three
houses down, across.

-->
I can always, always, always
use a new sitter.

-->
- I wish I could, but...
- Yeah, me too.

-->
Well...

-->
So how's the roof?

-->
Sorry?

-->
You were on the roof.

-->
I was.

-->
Just a little while ago I was
trimming my roses and looked up

-->
and I saw you there
and I was wondering who it was.

-->
Ah, yeah, we...
There's, uh...

-->
We had a leak
and I...

-->
thought I'd go up and check.

-->
Your uncle made you
go up on the roof?

-->
Well...

-->
he's sick

-->
and I said I'd go and see
if there's, like...

-->
- A hole or...
- Right.

-->
Did it rain?

-->
I have to go back to my uncle.

-->
Oh, sure. No problem.

-->
Just tell him Judy Tokuda
said hello.

-->
- You bet.
- Okay?

-->
Thanks.

-->
Well... it's "yummy stuff. "

-->
A leak? That's all you
could come up with? Pathetic.

-->
Don't piss me off right now, Uncle Jeff.

-->
You know, she'll be back.

-->
She thinks you're flakey.

-->
You might need help...
putting it fucking mildly.

-->
When you got loose...

-->
did you call the police, did you run for help,
like an innocent person would?

-->
- I did call.
- Oh, yeah?

-->
Why don't we just
press redial and see?

-->
Face it, Jeff.

-->
You could have gotten away
and you didn't.

-->
Now it's so easy.

-->
I leave you here,

-->
someone will find you...

-->
along with the photo of Donna

-->
and the confession that
I typed on your computer.

-->
Or...

-->
I have a special time,
limited offer.

-->
You step off that chair,
you end it all,

-->
I destroy all the evidence.

-->
No one will ever know
why you killed yourself,

-->
not even Janelle.

-->
I didn't kill Donna Mauer.

-->
- We've been over this.
- Fuck you. I'm not gonna beg.

-->
You mean you're not going
to beg again?

-->
Because you do it so well.

-->
Please.

-->
Please, pretty please,
with a cherry on top.

-->
One that you just had to pop.

-->
You'll leave a clue.

-->
You've messed up
once already,

-->
more than once.

-->
Mrs. Tokuda's made you.

-->
She's figured you out.

-->
They'll find you.

-->
- They might.
- No. They will.

-->
You'll spend the rest of your life
lookin' over your shoulder.

-->
Waking up, in the middle
of the night,

-->
jumping at every noise.

-->
How hard do you think
they're going to look for me, really?

-->
I mean, they find a pedophile killer,
all gift wrapped for them.

-->
Do you think they're going
to care who did the work?

-->
Do you think they're even
gonna bring it up?

-->
And I will have the biggest
legal defense you ever saw.

-->
If everyone who's ever molested
sends me $,

-->
oh, come on, I'll be able
to afford

-->
the best fucking lawyer in the world.

-->
Worst case scenario:

-->
two years of community service?

-->
Jody Foster directs
the movie version of the whole thing.

-->
Who do you want to play you?

-->
You didn't leave, did ya?

-->
No.

-->
You don't wanna
leave me... do ya?

-->
Where are ya?

-->
We've spent too much time
only to walk away.

-->
I know you're not gonna leave.

-->
Come on!

-->
I'll make it good for you,
I promise!

-->
Oh, you're good.

-->
You're so good.
You're so fucking good!

-->
You're just like her!
You're all just fucking like her!

-->
You wanna drive a man
fucking crazy,

-->
then go ahead,
until you go out of your fucking mind!

-->
Then go... Go on
your fucking way!

-->
Go! Go! Go! Go! Go!

-->
Go!

-->
You're right.

-->
You're right, Hayley.

-->
Thank you. Thank you.

-->
This is me.

-->
This is who I am.

-->
Thank you.

-->
Thank you for
helping me see it.

-->
What took you so long?

-->
- You dropped this.
- I had to.

-->
- Yeah?
- You would have been down there forever.

-->
Were you jerkin' off?

-->
Which do you wanna fuck first,
me or the knife?

-->
- You know how to use that?
- Honor student, remember?

-->
Nothing I can't do
when I put my mind to it.

-->
Toss the knife in the backyard!

-->
Why?

-->
Or you'll shoot again?
Go on, shoot me.

-->
You're not gonna shoot me!

-->
It's not me you have to worry about.
It's Janelle.

-->
I called her.

-->
Told her I was Lieutenant Hayley
from the L.A.P.D.

-->
How far does she live, Jeff?

-->
Look over there.

-->
Look over there!

-->
The deal's still open.

-->
You put the noose around your neck,
you end this whole game.

-->
I will still clean up all the evidence.
You're running out of time!

-->
Or we can wait for her.

-->
I'll pull off my clothes,

-->
and I will run into her arms.

-->
What? Unless I hang myself?

-->
I'll find you.
I'll track you down!

-->
Assuming you knew anything about me.

-->
Calabasas girl who's dad teaches
at UCW shouldn't be that hard to find.

-->
You believed all that, huh?

-->
Who are you?

-->
It's hard to say for sure.

-->
Maybe not a Calabasas girl.

-->
Maybe not the daughter
of a med school professor.

-->
- Maybe not even a friend of Donna Mauer.
- Maybe not even named Hayley.

-->
Who the hell are you?

-->
I am every little girl
you ever watched...

-->
touched, hurt,

-->
screwed, killed.

-->
- She's gonna find it, Jeff.
- No.

-->
She's gonna find it all. Put on the noose
and jump and I'll stop it.

-->
She'll never find out.

-->
She'll just think you were
some sad man

-->
who she never
should have left.

-->
Jeff?

-->
Bad things...

-->
Fucking awful things
will happen to you in prison.

-->
This is the only way. You'll wish you'd killed
yourself when you had the chance.

-->
It's the only way, Jeff.

-->
Jeff!

-->
I didn't kill her.

-->
I just watched.

-->
I wanted to take pictures...

-->
but he wouldn't let me.

-->
It was me and another guy.

-->
I didn't do it.
I swear.

-->
I'll tell you the name,

-->
and I'll help you find him.

-->
I'll help you find him.

-->
I know his name.

-->
I know his name, Jeff.

-->
You know what's funny?

-->
Jeff?

-->
Aaron told me you did it
before he killed himself.

-->
It was him.
It wasn't me.

-->
Jeff.

-->
I don't care.

-->
Jeff?

-->
Don't worry.

-->
I promise I'll take care of it all.

-->
Or not.